Hide Your Kids, Hide Your Sycthe

Ensign Yooch was pretty doped up on boosters. He had recently had his wisdom teeth out, and was taking four different IRL (inconsistent relief lozenge) pills to dull the effects. He really shouldn’t have been flying in this state, but there was so much to do. His corp-mates had long since forgotten how to scan and hence relied on him to scout out new chains each day….

So far it had been a quiet roam. He had scanned down several wormholes linking systems in deep space and saved their locations for later use. Yooch observed each system silently in his cloaky Helios, using his directional scanner to search for signs of life. He passed through several class 4 systems without spotting a single ship.

Jumping through a wormhole to a new class 2 system, Yooch went through the normal routine, bookmarking the wormhole exit and checking his scanners before dropping probes. Everything was quiet, so he began to warp around the system to get a better read on his scanner as his scan probes began to locate new signatures.

Halfway through warp, his d-scan beeped and a hit flashed on the screen. Sitting up abruptly, Yooch was just able to make out a junky looking ship, perhaps a Minmatar Scythe, before the screen blanked out again. So he wasn’t alone in here. Interesting. What was a lone Scythe doing out in deep space? There was no sign of a force-field on the scanner, and those were hard to miss. It was strange though. Remote logistics ships didn’t usually fly alone, especially out in these far reaches of the unknown.

Reaching his destination, Yooch checked the scanner again, but it was empty. His probes reported only a few signatures in the system, so he resolved to focus on scanning and complete his task. The Scythe nagged at him though. Where had it gone? Who piloted it? Where was their fleet?

He warped to each planet in turn to check for it. The d-scan on his Helios had limited range and wasn’t able to locate the ship anywhere. Had it left the system? Yooch had a sneaking suspicion that it had not. Maybe the drugs were making him hallucinate. He briefly wondered how they might be affecting his cranial ship control…

Enough of this nonsense. When in doubt, probe it out! He recalled his cosmic signature scan probes and launched combat probes. If there was a ship uncloaked in his system, they would find it. Sure enough, after a few scans he had located the signature pattern of a ship that matched that of a Scythe. The positioner located it far from the orbit of any planets, outside the range of his directional scan. No wonder he had only glimpsed it mid-warp and had been unable to locate it from a standstill. As for why it was there, well there was only one way to find out.

Landing just a few kilometers from the Scythe, Yooch slid into visual range under cover of his cloak. The Scythe had obviously seen better days. Even for a Minmatar crap-bucket it was pretty warn. Deep scratches covered its wings and the remote shield-repair units were beginning to melt at their tips from overuse.

Yooch scanned the ship with his local scanner. It was unmanned! He quickly transmitted his discovery back to home base. His cousin Cara had trained to fly these ships. Not because she had any aspiration to own a flying mobile dump of course. They simply required the same piloting skills as the noble Bhaalgorn. She replied that she would be there as soon as possible.

True to her word she appeared few minutes later in a small shuttle. Yooch took a break from counting pills to scrawl a small note:

Thanks 4 Sycthe ❤ Yooch Forelli

which Cara taped to the vacuum-shield of her shuttle before clambering in to the Scythe and firing up its engine. Yooch followed her away from the system and showed her the route to empire space, where they planned to strip the Scythe and sell its parts on the market.

The two of them laughed as they sold their spoils, imaging the reaction of the Scythe’s owner when the shuttle was found. Apparently he wasn’t nearly as amused.

Remember kids. Safe-spots are not “safe”

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Cousin Cara Can’t Be Trusted

Ensign Yooch might be a right little wormhole saint, but Cara Forelli has a dark side. She recently engaged in some dastardly deviancy that made even Trigoth question his morals.

The back-story:

I was scanning idly and chatting with a prospective corp-mate when Faded suddenly announced he was on grid with a Navy Augoror  in C2A. Yooch was pretty far out, so I grabbed Cara and set off down the chain in a Harbinger, ready to bash heads in. Jumping through C4A to C2A, I got the green light from Faded and landed on the connection to C5A.

The Navy Augoror had warped off a few minutes before so I sat at the hole waiting for it. After a minute or so a Legion lands and locks me up, so I point him and start shooting. Right after I’ve committed, a Proteus, Harbinger, the Navy Augoror, and a Falcon land and join in. This isn’t going to end well for me. The Legion is in half armor, but he’s completely neuted me out and my armor is starting to take damage. Our inbound Rupture, Hurricane, and Onyx are not going to save me, but maybe they can at least clean up the Legion.

However, some people are just risk adverse and boring. The Legion and all his friends jump and warp off to their POS as soon as their free kill is in question. It’s the third fight of the evening we’ve been denied and it’s getting old.

I head back to the POS to rep my armor before bed. Yooch is still scanning and wrapping up the recruiting conversation, so I fit a local repper and fix up my own armor. Faded is feeling pretty snubbed so he heads back to C5A to see if we can get in a gank. It turns out they are closing the hole, and he gets himself closed in. Ah well, they have a lowsec.

But it turns out the high-sec in C2A was never bookmarked from the outside. I’ve logged out Yooch for the night and I’m feeling lazy, so I just head over in my Harbinger. I see scan probes in C4A but I’m not worried; we saw a neutral buzzard in there earlier. I bookmark the other side and spend a few minutes scaring the local ice miners while Faded makes his way back in.

On our way back through the chain, we see a venture on scan in C4A. Everyone knows you can’t catch those, but what the heck. Faded drops combat probes and warps to him in the Anathema. The venture reacts immediately and warps to the C2A hole, where I’m sitting cloaked. I jump through with him for funsies and get polarized. Woohoo. By the way, I never put the plate back on my harby. Still using a medium repper. Awesome.

The venture warps to his POS and comes back in a Tengu. Whoops. I consider pointing him, but my backup is pretty far and other ships start appearing on d-scan. So I lead them on a merry chase, from planet to planet and back to the hole to give my team time to assemble.

Back at the hole, I let the Tengu engage me, but I drop fast without a plate and I’m forced to jump through (right as my polarization timer expires, phew). Faded is waiting on the other side, but they don’t follow. Frustrated again, I head back to the POS to get a freaking plate on my ship.

Back at the C2A hole, our team is assembled. I come up with a plan. The Tengu pilot knows that I used to have an active rep, so I’m going to warp to the high sec and act like a carebear. I jump through, align slowly and warp to the high sec. After a minute or two, I jump back in to the C2 and slowly align to the C4. Right on cue the Tengu decloaks on grid, and I warp to the C4, but he doesn’t follow. This guy is very cautious.

Faded is keen for a fight and urges me to type in local. This is the best I could come up with.

Cara Forelli > lol

Cara Forelli > tag you are it

I wait around for a few minutes and start to feel stupid. What a dumb thing to type. How incredibly obvious. How can I salvage this? Well he knows about my active rep…

Cara Forelli > can I run c2 sites in a harby?

Bingo! Convo request. Much shameful emotional manipulation followed, including several boldfaced lies.

Fukurokuji > haha good fun
Fukurokuji > but yeah, dual rep harby will run
Cara Forelli > you live in here?
Fukurokuji > we do
Fukurokuji > lots of activity in here today
Cara Forelli > oh
Fukurokuji > you live in the c4?
Cara Forelli > what?
Cara Forelli > I thought this was a c2
Fukurokuji > this is
Fukurokuji > you live in J115547?
Cara Forelli > no…
Fukurokuji > ah
Cara Forelli > don’t you need a pos or something
Fukurokuji > yeah, there’s a pos – planet 4, moon 2 but not your corp, so just wondered if you were from there
Cara Forelli > oh you mean at the wormhole I’m at now?
Fukurokuji > yeah
Cara Forelli > yeah I’m not sure
Cara Forelli > I thought I saw some scan probes
Fukurokuji > saw you and the anathema come in and try to scan me down, so I popped back
Fukurokuji > yeah, I was trying a gas site
Cara Forelli > oh yah
Fukurokuji > but mining is boring as fuck haha
Cara Forellimy scanning alt
Cara Forelli > I thought it was really good in wormhole places?
Fukurokuji > it is, well.. it is if you find a good one
Fukurokuji > oh.. a heads up – the highsec WH in here is end of life
Cara Forelli > oh
Cara Forelli > does that mean I can’t bring big ships though soon?
Fukurokuji > you can bring up to battleships in here
Cara Forelli > harbinger is battlecruiser I think
Cara Forelli > that’s smaller right
Fukurokuji > yeah
Cara Forelli > I thought people in wormholes were really violent
Cara Forelli > I was pretty sure you were gonna kill me
Fukurokuji > like to protect our things
Fukurokuji > thought you might be scanning for a fleet
Cara Forelli > ohh
Fukurokuji > since you jumped in and out a bunch of times
Cara Forelli > I was trying to find a good site
Fukurokuji > we’ve run all of ours already
Fukurokuji > and I wouldn’t do the sites in J115547 (where your scanning alt is)
Fukurokuji > you’ll die pretty quick haha
Cara Forelli > oh
Cara Forelli > is there gas sites in there?
Fukurokuji > yeah, a few
Cara ForelliI don’t think I can scan them though
Fukurokuji > just a heads up.. other members of my corp have spotted you haha
Cara Forelli > uhhh
Cara Forelli > should I hide?
Fukurokuji > up to you haha
Cara Forelli > well would they kill me?
Fukurokuji > they’ll try
Cara Forelli > do they know where I am?
Fukurokuji > yeah, there’s two bombers watching you right now
Cara Forelli > if I go in this wormhole will they know?
Fukurokuji > nice killboard by the way
Fukurokuji > haha – I’m sure you know exactly what you’re doing
Cara Forelli > oh
Cara Forelli > what’sa killboard? I bought this pilot from my friend cause he quit
Fukurokuji > https://zkillboard.com/character/93285450/
Cara Forelli > but I don’t think it has good scanning skills or something?
Cara Forelli > can my battlecruiser fight the bombers?
Fukurokuji > yeah, battlecruiser will pop the bombers
Cara Forelli > so I don’t need to hide then?
Fukurokuji > if you can lock frigs fast then maybe
Cara Forelli > oh
Cara Forelli > is there something that would be even?
Fukurokuji > not really.. bombers are hit and run tactic ships
Cara Forelli > oh
Cara Forelli > I was wondering if my haribinger could fight other people
Fukurokuji > haha no idea, depends on your fit and skills
Cara Forelli > oh. are you good at fighting with people?
Fukurokuji > no, just learning myself
Cara Forelli > nice
Cara Forelli > maybe we could learn together
Fukurokuji > haha alright

After this lengthy discussion I guess he finally decided to pop me and warps in the Tengu. We start pewing each other on the hole. Once I’ve worked through about half his shield, Faded jumps in with a neut Domi and wipes out his cap. He starts to drop fast and jumps through the hole, right into our fleet. Everybody else nails him and he jumps through again…

…and manages to evade us on the other side and cloak up! It is truly not our night for PvP.

On the bright side, I don’t have to feel bad about his t3 loss. We invited him to comms for some laughs and he turned about to be a pretty cool guy. Hey, at least he engaged, which is more than can be said for certain forum warriors we encountered an hour before!

Rate my acting? I think I make a pretty decent noobie if I do say so myself.

Fly safe, space friends

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Ensign Yooch Lays Down The Law

Yooch spent a lot of time admiring his new Helios. He had worked hard to learn how to fly it and had spent the last few days zipping around between the stars, completely hidden by its state-of-the-art cloaking device, so when Warb mentioned he needed a route to high-security space Yooch immediately volunteered to scan it for him.

Teaming up with Divine Aura, they were able to scan through systems fairly quickly, jumping through wormholes in search for a connection to known space. The systems they visited were fairly quiet. Yooch saw a station once on directional scan, but there were no ships anywhere to be seen. Fairly soon, Yooch had scanned down wormhole signature estimated by the computer to lead to high security space! After a short fist-pump for besting Divine at something he announced his discovery and entered the portal to find out where it would lead. Exiting the dark void, he got another pleasant surprise. He had entered Kor-Azor Prime, a border system to a major trade hub! That was about the best you could hope for in a route to high-security space and Yooch held his head high as he entered the portal coordinates for his corp-mates use.

Distracted by his discovery, Yooch failed to remember to cloak his ship after exiting the wormhole, a fact that he was quickly reminded of when a Rapier suddenly dropped out of warp right next to him. Dashing around the cockpit, Yooch cloaked up and started burning away from the portal, before remembering that combat in high security space was always detected and punished by CONCORD. Which was a good thing too, considering a Drake and a Helios warped in a few seconds later. They were obviously from the same corporation as the Rapier, judging from the logos painted on their hulls.

What followed was strange; all three ships sat immobile next to the wormhole. Were they waiting for someone? Why weren’t they entering? Suddenly it hit him – they were scared! They had glimpsed his Helios before he cloaked and were afraid that his corp-mates would be waiting for them on the other side of the wormhole. Yooch laughed as he sat cloaked in his ship, allowing the power trip to go to his head slightly. It was amusing for a Rapier to be afraid of a Helios.

He didn’t have to wait long. The ships seemed to decide it would be unwise to jump through the wormhole and warped away, toward one of the stargates in the system. Yooch remained at the hole a bit longer. Deciding that they were gone for good, he set course for the library in Amarr; there were some piloting skills he hoped to read up on while his corporation still had access to a major empire system.

Yooch was sifting through dusty volumes when Warb announced he was ready to make a supply run. Since Warb had a lot of valuables to sell at the market, Yooch jogged back to his ship with as many books as he could carry and set a course for the wormhole to scout the chain. By the time he reached the hole in Kor-Azor however, Warb was already exiting it in a stealthy hauler.

With no pressing reason to return to the market Ensign Yooch jumped back into unknown space and initiated warp to the next wormhole in the chain. Just then Warb transmitted something strange – a Magnate was jumping through the wormhole in Kor-Azor Prime.  Who would bring such a primitive scanning ship through a hole with so much activity? Warb ran a scan on the ship and was able to ascertain the pilot’s name – Art Noble.

Lacking any weapons on his Helios, Yooch maintained his course for corporate headquarters, running a database check on the mysterious pilot as he went. It turned up a result just as he reached the ship hangar. It was a graduation certificate from a capsuleer vocational school, only five days old! Art had apparently been planet-side until less than a week prior and was already flying through incredibly dangerous space.

Entering the barracks, Yooch found Divine Aura wrapped up in an IRL (Instant Relationship Lecture) radio transmission with her needy boyfriend. No problem, he could take care of this on his own. Returning to the ship hangar, he boarded his speedy Atron and set off down the chain towards the Kor-Azor Prime connection.

Reaching the system, he immediately noticed the Magnate on directional scan, as well as basic scan probes. However, the entrance to the wormhole was clear. At least Art had learned how to take basic precautions in capsuleer school, but he still needed a lesson in the dangers of wormhole-space. Yooch set about locating him, pinging each planet with his ship’s directional scan.

Getting a hit, Yooch warped to the planet and landed just 5 km away from the Magnate. Flipping on his sensor booster, he burned towards it. His Atron was able to lock on to the Magnate almost immediately and prevent it from warping away. Yooch fired a few rounds of antimatter through its shields to put the fear of Bob in the rookie pilot before deactivating his guns.

Not wanting to destroy the ship completely, Yooch hailed the pilot. Receiving no response, he shot a few more rounds to get his attention and hailed once more. Still nothing. He was becoming increasingly uncomfortable with the situation. Who knows which passing ships could have intercepted his message? He couldn’t stay here indefinitely toying with the Magnate. Steeling himself, he fired a few more rounds and watched the ship go up in flames.


The rookie’s escape pod warped out immediately when the ship burst, which was something to be said for him at least. Yooch scooped the pitiful loot and headed back to headquarters with mixed feelings about the engagement. He was trying to teach the pilot a lesson, but perhaps he had been too harsh.

En route, he received a weak broadcast. Decrypting it he could see that it was sent from Art’s pod. The pilot had finally seen Yooch’s previous broadcast in his pod’s data log. Apparently he had been too concerned with trying to escape to notice it before. From the transmission, Yooch determined that Art had never heard of unknown space before. Apparently since graduating, he had discovered a wormhole linking two empire systems and wasn’t aware that they often lead to more sinister domains.

Ensign Yooch opened a direct radio link and explained about the dangers of unknown space. As is the way of capsuleers, Art was curious about the riches available in wormhole systems. Yooch warned him of the deadly sleeper drones that jealously guard ancient secrets but encouraged him to keep exploring. Remembering how difficult it was to replace a ship when starting out, he wired Art ten million interstellar kredits to soothe the burden.

Yooch returned to the headquarters to help out with his daily chores, smiling as docked his ship in the hangar. Any day he could make a new friend was a good day in his book, and he was glad to teach a new pilot some tricks of the trade. Of course, some of his corp-mates would laugh when they heard about the ISK donation, but hey, who cares what they think anyway?

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Ensign Yooch Goes to Market

I love to program. I love EVE. How can I use these facts to waste an entire weekend?

I decided to create a market analysis tool in Matlab. I started by toying with Eve-Central APIs and eventually figured out how to import and decode the data from an xml file in Matlab. I whipped up a quick gui so I wouldn’t have to stare at an ugly console (might as well just use the Eve-Central website! :D)


The program lets you type a few letters in the upper left and hit search to get a list of market items. I downloaded a look-up table with the IDs for each item so they can be matched to the names seen in the list. When you select an item, the ID is found and the Eve-Central site is queried for current market data in Jita. I was very pleased that this process was had no noticeable delay for a single item.


Raw aggregate data from Eve-Central is displayed on the left. My own calculations are shown on the right, with profit margin for station trading. But scrolling through lists of items isn’t a very good way to find trades! I added the find trades button to scan the item list for things with high margins and good volume.

That’s where I hit a bit of a block. Eve-Central doesn’t have data on the volume moved of market items, only the volume of orders listed. Unfortunately that’s not very useful information, since items with higher profit margins tend to move less and thus are not always very good trades. Without knowing how much of the product actually moves, it’s very difficult to determine if a trade is good or not.

Nevertheless, I had come this far. Pressing the “Find Good Trades!” button scans the list for items with profit margins above a certain threshold. Hoping that I could get some use out of the volume data available, I decided items with an equal quantity of buy and sell orders would be more likely to be good trades and created a ratio between the two to test.

good trades

Of course I was wrong. The analysis returns a list of terrible trades with good profit margins. But hey! I entertained myself for a day and now I can easily check prices in Jita without pulling up a browser.

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Yo, Ho, Ho, And a Bottle of….RUN!

Ensign Yooch was in a grumpy mood. Some recent IRL (interstellar relativistic logistics) training had left him jet-lagged and out-of-sync with his regular schedule. Judging from the memos he found, he had slept straight through some exciting activity outside the barracks. Apparently his corp-mates had spotted some old friends from End-Of-Line during a routine recon mission, but were unable to contact them before the wormhole separating them collapsed unpredictably. Such is life.

Now, as they slept, Yooch was wide awake. He took to the normal tasks of life in deep space, visiting his production plants and adjusting the extractor units. Realizing that his stockpile of goods was getting rather large, he decided to look for a safe route to take them to market. This would require quite a bit of scanning. Hopping in his trusty Grand Theft Heron, Yooch accessed the coordinates of a wormhole scanned down by Yenom earlier in the day and warped to it. Entering the portal, he found himself in a deserted system orbiting a black hole. The trouble with wormholes is that you never know where they will take you. Clearly there was no market here, so Yooch dropped his probes and started scanning for another portal.

Finding one, he warped to it and jumped through into a larger solar system. Following corporate protocol, he named the system C5A and saved the coordinates of the wormhole. Unfortunately there was not a market here either, or a living soul for that matter. Sometimes it took many risky trips through an entire chain of wormholes to find your way back to known space.

Lacking the ability to warp while cloaked, Yooch settled for parking his ship near the portal and cloaking up while he scanned for yet another wormhole. As he searched, he made sure to monitor his on-board directional scanner as well to keep an eye out for hostile ships in the system. Finally locating another wormhole, he checked d-scan one last time and warped to the entrance of the portal to C5B.

After initiating warp Yooch leaned back lazily, watching the strange optical illusion created by travelling at light-speed through the windshield. A sudden beeping caught his attention and he snapped upright. The directional scanner was flashing! A signature had been detected in the vicinity. The computer resolved the signature and determined it fit the description of a Loki hull, just as his ship began to slow to sub-light speeds.

Yooch cursed his incompetence and began flipping switches like mad, trying to pull the ship out of warp. He should have scouted the wormhole before warping straight to it like a total Minnie! Unfortunately, the calculations required for light-speed travel mandate specific coordinates, and the ship refused to stop. It pelted forwards towards the wormhole where the Loki waited like a spider in a web, pulling abruptly to a stop at 8 km from the wormhole.

Apparently the Loki pilot was as surprised as Yooch had been, because he didn’t respond for a moment. Then the first volley ripped through the shields of Grand Theft Heron, threatening to destroy the ship in seconds. Yooch put the ship in full throttle, burning straight toward the wormhole. Without even stopping to save the coordinates of the portal entrance he jumped into oblivion, knowing the Loki would be hot on his tailpipe.

Reaching the end of the tunnel, he immediately instructed the ship’s computer to warp to a random planet, and then another, to throw off the pursuing Loki. Finding himself safe for the time being, he cloaked up and began to scan the system. Perhaps he could find an alternate way to escape, without having to pass the Loki. Directional scan showed a mass of other ships in the system. It was clearly occupied. Why didn’t he just scout the hole? And why had he jumped through into their base of operations? He was so careless.

Finding two new wormholes, he saved their locations before warping back to wormhole he had entered through, close enough to see its defenses without getting caught. A Stiletto was orbiting the hole. Seeing a tasty exploration frigate, it started burning toward his ship. FAST. There was no way he could get past that. Especially with that Loki nearby. He made a split decision and warped to one of the other wormholes, racing away from the pursuant combat probes sent out by an unknown enemy.

Jumping through, he finally found himself in known space, in a low-security system. There would be no help from CONCORD here if he was followed. Since the powerful ship sensor mounted in the system was already broadcasting his presence, he warped to a planet and cloaked up, hoping to lay low while he pursued the star map to determine his location. No such luck. A pirate by the name of Julian Leclerc immediately hailed him. Knowing full well that capsuleers living in these parts couldn’t be trusted, Yooch asked the computer to respond to the transmission with a happy face emoticon while he ran a background check on the unknown pilot.

It turned out Julian was a member of The Condemned and Convicted, a mercenary group known for doing the dirty work of other groups. Perhaps he would see reason. After all, Yooch was of little threat in his scanning ship. He didn’t even have weapons mounted! So he followed up his initial broadcast with an explanation that he had become lost, figuring that it was obvious from context anyway. Julian of course, responded in the usual pirate way, stating that he could give valuable instructions in exchange for currency.

Yooch considered this for a bit. It wasn’t like he needed instructions. He had a star map. Also, it was clearly a joke. Everyone knows that pirate ransoms are quite hefty. His wallet was not going to cut it. Upon reflection though, he started to feel a bit bad for the man. Perhaps he was just misunderstood. Maybe he had resorted to a life of crime in order to support his family. With a little help, just maybe he could have been a noble space explorer as well. What the heck, he thought, as he wired the man ten million interstellar kredits.

Julian must of been surprised at that. He actually made a small effort at providing instructions to a market hub, though it was information Yooch was already well aware of. Just to keep him talking while he waited for things to die down through the wormhole, Yooch elaborated a bit on his situation. The pirate seemed to be genuinely interested in his narrow escape. It must get lonely out in these outer systems with no one to talk to.

Deciding to try his luck at returning home, Yooch re-entered the wormhole after promising to cable the results back to his new friend. The other side of the portal was clear – a very good sign. Returning to the wormhole where he had first encountered the Loki, he cloaked up and surveyed the scene via directional scan. It appeared to be clear of any hostiles. Crossing his fingers, he warped to the hole and jumped through. Unable to restrain himself, he sent out an unencrypted message to anyone that might be in the system just before jumping:

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee said the little piggy all the way home!

Hurtling through nothing, he suddenly arrived on the other side. Before he had a chance to shake his head and clear the haze, a huge thump shook his ship and threw him from his seat. He had collided with that cursed Stilleto! What were the chances of that anyway? Scrambling upright he desperately tried to cloak his ship, but it was too late. The Stiletto had a lock on Grand Theft Heron and was already applying hefty damage to it’s shields. An alarm sounded as the warp-drive operator was neutralized. Seeing no other option, Yooch forced the ship around and back into the wormhole, praying to Bob that he would be able to escape the Stiletto when he emerged in the hostile system.

He was. Just barely. Bouncing from planet to planet as he collected his thoughts, Yooch evaded the combat probes hot on his tail and finally cloaked up. Having already blown his cover, he broadcasted a message stating that he just wanted to go home. He received a rude reply from Lucky Pasta of Grumpy Bastards which mocked him and his scanning ship. Apparently, shooting down a Heron would be an embarrassment for them, the filthy elitists. Unwilling to put up with this kind of abuse, Yooch let them know his ship was made of solid gold. He finally gave up any faith in their intellect when Lucky described which part of himself was made of solid gold.

Growing tired of the less-than-stimulating conversation, Ensign Yooch set a warp for the wormhole which would take him back to the low security system. As he emerged from the wormhole, he realized he was being followed. A Sabre had jumped through with him! Yooch immediately warped away from the hole and contacted Julian to alert him to the hostiles in the system.

Julian was eager to teach them a lesson, and Yooch was feeling a bit less noble after so much harassment. Teaming up with the pirate mercenaries, Yooch warped back to the wormhole at range to try and instigate a fight. It turned out that Grumpy Bastards had changed their mind about the value of a Heron. Waiting for him at the hole was a Sabre, Stiletto, Loki, and Harbinger. Little did they know that Yooch had backup, in the form of Julian in a Rapier and two Tornado pilots from his corporation.

It seemed they had no interest in a fair fight. Catching sight of the twin Tornados, they burned back to the wormhole and disappeared through the portal. Yooch joined his new friends for a beer at the station as they laughed about the antics of the little girls from Grumpy Bastards. These pirates were actually pretty cool guys, except of course P220. What a tool. Yooch thanked them for their help before leaving for Hek. Reaching it, he shouted the obligatory “Tonight we dine in Hek!” out of respect for Trigoth before docking his pod to the sleep bay and calling it a day.

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Making Sense of the Overview Window

Have you ever wondered what kind of black magic is going on in that overview pack you downloaded for EvE Online? Given up on customizing it when everything you do seems to mess it up? Well there are just a few secrets you need to know to get your overview set up to perfectly suit your needs.


There it is, the overview window, in all its confusing glory. This window is the main tool for your navigation in EvE and having it configured properly can save you a LOT of time, as well as keep you alive in the heat of battle. The overview supports a maximum of five tabs, which can be customized separately to suit your needs. In general, you should limit the amount of information in each tab so you can locate things quickly. You may want a tab with just ships and jump-gates for PvP, or perhaps a tab with only celestial bodies for a quick warp-off. A missions tab can be configured to include necessary objects which would normally clutter your overview.

Start by clicking the three small lines in the upper left corner of the overview window, next to the word Overview, and select Open Overview Settings from the list. This will open a new dialog which allows you to make changes to the overview window. Navigate to the Overview Tabs tab. This tab shows each of the active tabs in your overview window, and allows you to add or modify them.


Type a name in one of the boxes on the left to add a tab to your overview. Alternatively you can right-click on a tab in the overview and select Add Tab. Once you have decided which tabs you would like to include in your overview, you can save a profile containing the information for each (more on this in a bit), and load it from this screen. There are two drop-down lists available to load profiles. The first, Overview Profile, will load the information into the overview window itself. The second, Bracket Profile, loads the information you wish to be visible in space (The clickable brackets of ships/stations/other objects you can see on grid). Both of these menus access the same list of profiles, which contains all the profiles you have saved, as well as a few default options like pvp and loot.

So how do you save a profile? Time for the first secret – Secret 1: Modifying an unsaved tab will change every tab which is unsaved. Since each new tab defaults to unsaved, you should create one tab at a time, modify it until it contains the information you want, save the profile, and then load it in the Overview Tabs tab before creating the next tab. Once the tab has a profile loaded, it is saved and will not receive unintentional changes when you modify the next tab.

So how do you change the information shown in the overview window? If you just want to make slight changes, you can right click an object in the overview and select Remove From Overview. Similarly you can add an object by right clicking it in space and selecting Add To Overview. These options will add/remove all objects of that type to the overview. Each time you make a change, the tab will become unsaved and you will need to re-save the profile you are using. You can save a profile by clicking the three small lines in the upper left corner of the overview window and selecting Save Current Type Selection As…before entering a name for the profile.


The Overview Settings dialog provides a much more powerful way to modify the content of your overview. The Filters tab has two sub-tabs, Types and States.

The Types tab has a checkbox for every selectable object in the game, sorted into folders of similar types. Its function is very simple. If an object is checked it will show up on the overview. The buttons at the bottom let you select or deselect all of them items. I find it is best to start with a clean slate by clicking Deselect All and then adding only the desired content for that tab. Most mission objects can be found under the Celestial folder as Large Collidable Object.

The States tab is far less intuitive. It lets you filter by the state of a ship or object. However, there is a trick. Secret 2: State options which are unchecked will be removed from the overview window. This goes against logic. Most people assume that if “Pilot is in your corporation” is checked, corp-mates will always appear on the overview. However, if “Pilot is in your fleet” is unchecked, every ship in your fleet will be removed from your overview, even if the pilot is in your corporation. So this tab, allows you to remove states from your overview, rather than add them. Start with every state checked, and remove those which you do not wish to appear in the tab you are modifying.

Once you are familiar with these two tabs, you should be able create, save, and load profiles for all five tabs in your overview window. However, there are many other options you can use to customize the overview further. The following options are not dependent on the profile, and will affect all the tabs simultaneously.


The Appearance tab has two important sub-tabs, Colortag and Background. The third tab, EWAR, allows you to set which electronic warfare attempts are visible.

The Colortag tab specifies the small icon which will appear next to a ship in the overview window, as well as in the chat channel next to the pilot’s name. It is based on the state of the ship. Similarly, the Background tab colors the area behind each ship on the overview to allow for quick identification. Color tags and background colors can be modified by right clicking on the boxes on the right and selecting a color, and can also be set to blink for added blatancy.

Secret 3: Color tags and background colors are assigned precedence based on their order in the list. This means that if a ship fulfills two of the states in the list, it will be shown with the color of the higher option. In the picture shown above a pilot which is in your corporation as well as your fleet will have a purple background, rather than green. The states can be moved up and down by clicking and dragging them. You can use this feature to distinguish between different parties with which you are at war. By assigning a pilot, corporation, or alliance bad standing, and dragging “Pilot has bad standing” above “Pilot is at war with your corporation/alliance,” you can choose a different color for that entity. This works with all levels of standing and can be used to distinguish between multiple groups in large fights. Pilots in RvB often use this tactic to distinguish between pilots of the opposing corporation from third-party war targets.


The last important tab in the overview settings is Columns. This tab allows you to modify which properties of other ships show up on your overview. Icon, Distance, Name, and Type are checked by default. Some of the other available options are more useful than others. Velocity and Angular Velocity are commonly used to check an enemy’s speed to predict turret damage. The tag column allows fleet leaders to “tag” targets on the overview. These tags are visible to the members of the fleet and can be used to assign and prioritize targets.

The remaining overview options are fairly obvious. By now you should be able to customize your overview to tailor to your specific needs. If I have missed anything important or misstated something shoot me a comment and let me know, so I can get it corrected. Hopefully some of you will find this useful! If you do, please pass it along to anyone you wish.

Fly safe, space friends

Posted in Tutorials | Tagged , , , , , | 5 Comments

Free Willy

I’ve decided not to write in character on every post, since it would be very limiting. Fear not though, I will flip back and forth depending on how I feel, (or how Ensign Yooch is feeling). Since I’m such a nice guy I thought I might also insert some helpful how-to articles as I accumulate knowledge (I’m looking at you, overview settings!)

Things have been pretty quiet since last weekend, as far as PvP goes. Missed an opportunity for a fight a few days ago while I was shopping in Amarr. We had originally planned to bait some high sec day-trippers deeper into WH space and then bring down the fist of fury, but our fleet face-checked a Proteus and a Legion from a different WH corp while I was still fitting up my ship and I arrived seconds after the last pod warped out (curse you enormous high-sec systems!) The high-sec hole-campers cleared out during the commotion.

Yesterday was a bit more interesting. After failing to get a rise from a cautious (read, boring) C2 corporation, we set about scanning to look for some fun. Divine Aura found it for us. An unarmed POS, with full cargo arrays and a couple random ships floating in space! We stole all the ships (A retriever and bunch of cheap frigs) and looted the cargo, which dropped a packaged Manticore on top of about 150M in random mods. Since I had hurriedly left my scanner in Amarr the day before, I got a free Heron out of the deal, which I named Grand Theft Heron, per Faded’s suggestion. Since nobody wants to fight us we took out as much aggression as possible on the shuttles. Have to put something on the killboard.

While we wait around to pew, I generally orbit the ship maintenance hangar array, while everyone else does the hard work. Sometimes I’ll get off my lazy butt and help out though. Under Warb’s encouragement we’ve harvested enough gas this week to deplete both Houses of Congress, since he needs it for whatever older players need gas for – I stop listening after he pays me, but I think I remember the word reaction being used.

Since we had a high-sec connection a few jumps from Dodixie I went ahead and bought a PVE Dominix as well (buying it in Amarr just seemed wrong, – RP!). I named it Whale, because I’m still incredibly creative. It must be those Caldari craftsman genes. A few hours after I got it back to HQ Faded Silver wanted to run sites in our neighbor system. Everyone was tired, but we finally convinced Admiral to help us out so we could have four Domis for my first go. Turns out we were VERY lucky to have four, since Faded’s ISP had different plans for his evening. There were a few tense seconds when no one realized he had disconnected and the cap chain broke down, but with three Domis left on the field we were able to right things pretty quickly. Of course we were running one of the sites where the sleepers scram, so if I had fully understood what was going on at the time I probably would have wet my pants a little.

And don’t worry about Faded. He woke up early enough to jump back in before the static closed. Next time he ditches me in a site I may close the hole and see how he likes it 😀

Fly safe, space friends

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Duck Hunting

It had already been a long day for Ensign Yooch Forelli. He had spent the last few hours piloting a giant magnet with wings, sifting through the debris left by his corp-mates as they drunkenly battled against the mysterious sleeper drones. Though he lacked the skills to fly with them in battle against the ancient foe, they were kind enough to grant him a share of the spoils for his efforts. It was a good life, and he whiled away the time dreaming of the day when he would join their ranks against the evil metallic space-bots.

The sleeper drones were not the only threat out in deep space. Rouge capsuleers and mercenary corporations were sighted daily, though the lack of large-scale monitoring systems made it difficult to keep track of their movements. A good scout was worth his weight in Arkonor out there, and Yooch was fortunate enough to fly with many good scouts.

In fact, as space-dusk fell, Faded Silver himself sent out a broadcast of activity in a nearby sector. The corporation quickly came abuzz. Yooch scooped up the last of the loot and headed back to base, as his corp-mates sobered up and boarded their engagement vessels. Dumping the loot in the hanger to be sorted later, Yooch hopped in his favorite Atron and set course for the wormhole Faded had discovered, hoping to finally prove his worth to the guys. The first to arrive, he set an orbit around the portal, knowing that Faded lay in wait on the other side, ready to feed him intel.

Sure enough an unidentified Anathema entered the portal within seconds. Yooch couldn’t see it, but knew the scouting ship lay watching him, cloaked and collecting intel. He flipped on the Atron’s sensor booster and instructed the computer to lock on to the ship as soon as it decloaked. He wasn’t about to let this spy collect information on his friends.

He didn’t have to wait long. Apparently the spy had seen enough, because it decloaked and immediately entered the wormhole once more. Yooch cried out in frustration as the computer failed to lock on to the elusive ship, but held his position. He knew better than to follow it through the portal into hostile territory without backup.

As he waited for further instructions, it became clear that his small frigate would not last long in an all-out fleet battle. A Dragoon had been sighted en-route to the wormhole, as well as other suspicious activity in the enemy sector. Yooch hurried back to the ship hanger to find something more useful than his space-gnat. He settled on a newly purchased Blackbird by the incredibly original name Dark Duck, hoping its highly sophisticated computer would make up for the flimsy hull. He warped back to the wormhole in time to find the rest of the fleet forming up. It was the first time he had seen his corp-mates at the helm of such fearsome vessels. Admiral and Warbwaat were piloting a pair of Legions, and Faded Silver and Hilanen orbited nearby in Dominix battleships. Trigoth stood at the ready for remote logistics in his Oneiros, while the corporate Onyx lay in wait at the exit of the portal, ready to catch the enemy off guard.

Shortly a lone enemy Drake landed at the exit of the portal and several ships jumped through to tackle it. Yooch heard commotion on the comms as the Drake pilot was unable to escape the heavy warp disruption field cast by the stealthy Onyx. The jubilation was short lived though, as the pilots regained composure and steeled themselves for the impending fight. Well most of the pilots anyway. Perhaps Admiral was still a bit drunk, since he took it upon himself to transmit a message to the enemy fleet, the details of which have been struck from the corporate logs, but were in any case, not friendly.

Drake: http://darkstorm.killmail.org/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=18957811

Whether this provoked them, or perhaps to avenge their lost pilot, the enemy fleet pounced. Floating next to the wormhole entrance, Yooch heard the order to engage. He counted to three, said a quick prayer to Bob, and jumped through.

After a short nauseating journey through compressed space, Ensign Yooch landed in a furious firestorm. The battle was already raging, and enemy ships were everywhere. The onboard computer started listing them off, Legion, Fleet Stabber, Myrmidon, Abaddon, Moa, Proteus, Arazu. This was no place for a blackbird made out of construction paper! He might as well have named his ship Dead Duck.

After panicking for a second or two, Yooch put his afterburner on full blast and steered the ship away from the crossfire. As the distance increased he began to breath and instructed the on-board computer to lock on to as many targets as possible. As the computer managed to lock targets, he began jamming protocols on each. “GET JAMMED MOA!” he yelled as his first jam cycle was successfully activated.

As Ensign Yooch neared his optimal range a commotion on comms caught his attention, “Get the Falcon!” What? A Falcon?? Apparently it had just decloaked. A Wild Falcon Has Appeared! he thought to himself, barely managing to turn off his microphone before laughing like a crazy person. This was very bad. He needed to jam that thing out before it could jam him! He quickly instructed the computer to switch all jam protocols to the enemy Falcon.

Too late! His ship lurched and the cabin lights flickered as the first jam hit him. Whatever that Falcon was broadcasting had completely shut him down. Yooch banged on the control panel, flipping switches and knobs and yelled at the computer to activate backup sensor power levels. No luck. Everything was offline and the computer had lost all of its locks on the enemy fleet. A red light was flashing near his feet, and that obnoxious voice kept repeating “target lost…target lost…target lost.”

The lights flickered again and the electronic screens suddenly fluttered with activity. He had regained control! He quickly tried to relock the Falcon and activate jams. Nothing happened. What?! Why?? His systems were normal! He quickly assessed the fight and noticed something strange. That Arazu was burning toward him. What’s an Arazu anyway? Why in the world did he choose to go to the School of Applied Knowledge instead of the State War Academy? “Computer! What’s an Arazu?!”

Tech 2 Gallente Force Recon Ship, Celestis Class. Celestis! Oh bugger. That guy was damping out his signal strength. Sure enough, there it was, the range indicator on his jamming computer was half of what it should be. Now what? Should he burn toward the fight and get melted? Or try to get away from the Arazu and regain his ability to jam? What’s kind of range does an Arazu have anyway? Would he even be able to outrange it?

He never heard the computer’s answer. A large shadow falling over the bow of his ship demanded his immediate attention. That Myrmidon was only 15km out, on a collision course! How could he not have noticed it burning toward him? That thing would eat him alive, and there was no one nearby to stop it! Picking the first planet he saw on the display screen, he quickly aligned the ship and entered warp preparation. As Dark Duck warped away Yooch pondered his good fortune. Why had the Myrmidon just let him leave? Was it not actually chasing him? Maybe it was just trying to leave the battlefield and happened towards him? In any case, entering warp had solved his indecision and broken the damps from that wretched Arazu.

Ensign Yooch reached the end of his warp and immediately turned Dark Duck around. He had to get back on the field. From the sounds of things as he warped back in, the battle was turning in their favor. Landing on grid he immediately jammed the Falcon and watched it go up in flames, courtesy of his friends in the battleships. Spreading the rest of his jamming strength he was able to catch the enemy Legion and Abaddon as well. Cheers arose on comms as the enemy fleet scattered, and a role call confirmed that the corporation had not lost a single ship. The battle was a decisive victory, and Ensign Yooch had managed to not die.

Falcon: http://darkstorm.killmail.org/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=18959487

Abaddon: http://darkstorm.killmail.org/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=18957809

Legion: http://darkstorm.killmail.org/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=18959486

After looting the forlorn wrecks scattered across the area, the team retired to their barracks, confident that the enemy would not follow. Everyone toasted the victory and patted Yooch on the back, saying he did a great job in his first deep space battle. He went to sleep with a smile on his face, and dreamed of the day when he would be skilled enough to fly his own Falcon. Perhaps he would call it Big Bird. Yeah. That was a good name for a ship.

Posted in Ensign Yooch | Tagged , , , , , | 4 Comments